As we head into a new decade, Ampersand music writer Haley Bosselman zeroes in on pop music’s rising artists.
“This is my blue hour, and I’m so grateful to share it with you,” McKenzie Ellis, better known as Mothica, explains in an introduction to her mini-autobiographical documentary, “Blue Hour.”
Blue hour is a time of day during twilight when the sun is far below the horizon, but continues to cast indirect light. It’s the sky’s final moments before complete darkness— a glowing semi-opaque navy hue.
Ellis, 24, who has been releasing music since she was 18, now finds her place in that final glimmer of light. Her nom de plume derives from a joke made by a high school friend. She was Gothica, and Ellis was Mothica. The name stuck as she started to make music. Like a moth, she is drawn to light at her own peril.
She kicked off her debut album cycle with the video “Blue Hour,” before even putting out the first single. The LP has the same name and is set to release song by song.
“I like to explore different personalities for each song,” Ellis says over a phone call one early November afternoon. “I want to make sure that each song can stand alone.”
Mothica’s music has often been referred to as gloom pop, though she doesn’t call it that. She’d rather let people decide for themselves. For Angelenos, that can be decided by hearing her live on December 11 at The Hi Hat. Others can listen as she continues drops songs from Blue Hour.
As she talks on the phone, she cites the filming of “Blue Hour,” as an amazing experience, despite being a deep dive into adolescent trauma. The video is a vivid narrative in which Ellis guides us around her native Oklahoma City. She leads us to an empty parking lot, a church and a hallway of lockers.
Ellis left Oklahoma for New York City at 18. Growing up, she felt like the outcast until she found a group of misfit kids at church. She finally felt at home. But then, at 13, her youth pastor molested her.
“I felt like I couldn’t control who touched my body, but I could control what I did to it,” she says in the video.
At 15, she jumped in front of a car in an attempt to take her life. She had to learn to walk again. Bed-ridden, she used her time to write music and by 18, in New York, making music became more than a side project.
Ellis released her first song, “Starchild,” on Soundcloud five years ago.Within 24 hours, it had 100,000 plays, and today, it has over half a million. Since then, she has released a number of EPs and remixes.
Mothica doesn’t really stick to the confines of one genre. Her upcoming album has a 50s-inspired song and another track with a rock flare. Her top songs on Apple Music, such as “Water Me Down” and “Self-Destructive,” have electropop tendencies. They both start slow and with vulnerable proclamations, eventually rising in techno pandemonium, but stay honest.
Her latest release “Now” is the first single from Blue Hour. Like “Water Me Down” and “Self-Destructive,” the song’s beginning highlights the lyrics. A hum breathes, flashes and then there’s a pause for Mothica to make a statement: “You said I get you higher than the ceiling.” The beat falls back in and grooves on, more sultry than electronic. She warns, “Don’t get too close to me now… you won’t like what you see.”
On social media, Mothica extends the sort of openness you see in the “Blue Hour” video. Her Twitter bio even includes her phone number so you can text her. On Instagram, one of her profile’s story highlights is called “mental health.” She openly discusses coming to terms with the way drinking and drug use has affected her.
When making music, Ellis used to get drunk, write a lot and then feel useless and hungover the next day. One day on, one day off. It was part of her image; she would sell shot glasses. Her drug use and drinking eventually took a toll on her career. There were times when she would lose money after shows.
Ellis couldn’t understand why she couldn’t stop. At one point, she was hospitalized and saw a psychiatrist. But it all clicked on St. Patrick’s Day of this year and she chose sobriety.
“I have better relationships,” she tells me on the phone. “I always felt like I didn’t have friends but that’s because I was so unreliable.”
As Ellis settles into L.A.’s Silver Lake neighborhood, she looks forward to taking things slow with this album rollout. She moved out West over the summer. New York was the only other home she had known, but it was time for a change.
“My New York that I moved to, that I loved, didn’t feel like it was there anymore,” she says. “Every time I would come to L.A., it would always be so beautiful.”
Looking ahead, Ellis hopes to open a tour for Julia Michaels or Elohim.
“This new music feels a lot more sophisticated and real because I’m so clear-headed.”
Ellis used to ask other artists, “Why are you making this? Why should people care?” For a long time, she couldn’t answer that question. But that has changed.
“I feel very empowered by the experiences I went through,” she says. “I have this story to share or these lyrics that maybe my perspective could help someone else… That’s why I do it.”
You can listen to Mothica here and follow her here. Tickets to her show on December 11 at The Hi Hat are free. You can RSVP here.